I am Done with Tech

I am done with Tech.

This was my thought not too long ago - and my gut let me feel it every single day.

I felt miserable. I lost the motivation to go deep into the nitty-gritty and figure out a path towards a solution. I didn't want to reach out to colleagues anymore to align on an approach. I did not want to drive the next "initiative". Talking to my mentors did not feel like a worthwhile thing to do. I did not see a future for me in this career anymore. Everything felt the same.

Then layoffs hit and I started thinking about my alternatives.

Engineering Management

I spent eight years in team leadership positions. I learned that I like to see people grow. I liked talking with them about how they see their future, what paths they envision and I wanted to be a part of that. I enjoyed the overarching initiatives that made working better for many people.

With my interest in people and how they tick, this sounded like a path I could enjoy. I started talking with Engineering Managers and people who worked as such in the past. Slowly, I took off the rose-colored glasses and understood that what I thought Engineering Management is, is only half the truth (at most).

There is the never-ending meetings. There is the continuous alignment and "roadmapping". The politics and (frankly) shit-show that is going on in larger organisations, where managers are merely hand puppets of upper management. They are the janitors of big software engineering companies, picking up the dirt and making sure no one is running too fast on the hallways. The cherry on top are the situations in which you deliver bad news on behalf of people higher in the management chain than you. The 1on1s in which you tell a team member that her role has been made redundant.

I played with that thought for multiple years. I now came to the conclusion that this is not for me. Especially, I do not want to work for organisations that actually need multiple levels of management.

Software Architect

When you do not want to go into management, the next plausible option would be Software Architecture. I enjoyed thinking about systems more and more. I still liked to be hands on, but mostly I did not want to stick my head deep down into the details of implementation all day long. Learning the next programming language or framework bored me. It felt repetitive: instead of the red hammer you now learn how to use the green one to get the same nail into the wall.

I talked with Architects that kept being hands-on. What they did sounded interesting to me. To be honest, exactly what I wanted to do. Bigger vision, driving cross-team or cross-org initiatives while still going into teams and help from time to time getting the nails into walls.

What I did not have was influence on getting into one of such roles. They are extremely limited, you need thumbs up from people of different areas of the company to get promoted, you need to be at the right place at the right time. And even then there will be lots of competition going on for those limited positions.

The more I though about this and the harder I tried to get into an Architect role I understood that my chances are really low. I didn't even care about the title. What I cared about was doing the things, having more variety in my days.

Though, in big organisations the role of an Architect is filled with meetings and shaped by drawing diagrams and writing ADRs. Yes, part of what I like doing, but having this 90% of my days wasn't really attractive.

Others

When I was looking for a job I stumbled upon a Product Manager role in a fintech. I have fintech experience, they wanted a person with more technical background than their usual Product Managers had. Initially it felt exciting to learn more of how a product is created earlier in the development chain. It felt like a great addition to my years on the technical front. I believed this would make me more valuable as an engineer.

I reached out to engineers who took Product Manager roles in the past. What I learned did not entice me. Most experiences could be summarized like this: You are the person who runs after others, gathers information, keeping it all together, you will be responsible for the product - but you will have barely any steering power when it comes to implementation.

I also thought about breaking out of tech completely, following one of the other interests I have. However, with a family to feed this did not sound very responsible.

Now what?

All these thoughts and talks possibly brought me closer to where I am right now. However, it took more self-reflection to understand, that the roles I filled in the past and Tech itself were not the reason for me to feel empty.

I looked back and remembered the times when I felt really energized going to work. Times when I was just waiting for Monday to come so that I could continue were I left work on Friday. These experiences usually ticked a few items on this list:

• An early product or company
• Lots of opportunity to shape how we work together
• The possibility to shape my role
• Working on things that were energizing to me
• A place that wanted to use my abilities to the maximum
• A place that went with "rather ask for forgiveness than permission"
• A certain level of stability, with enough flexibility to deviate from the plan if necessary (not waiting for the next quarter to start)
• A pace that ensured regular new impressions without feeling overwhelmed daily
• People and teams that were happy that I solved a problem on my own, for them

I did not need to change roles or careers. What I needed was a place that gave me enough flexibility to break out of my role as necessary. Sometimes that could mean going heads down into coding. Sometimes it would mean aligning people on an important initiative. Sometimes it meant designing a system on a high level. A place that would give me just the right pace so that I would not get bored, but also enough safety and sympathy for a family man.

Conclusion

Realizing the root cause of my feelings took me quite a while and talking to many colleagues, mentors, coaches. In the end, I was not done with Tech altogether.

What I was done with was the strict division of work - which is abundant in bigger organisations. People and teams are responsible for a limited scope. If others welcome you to break into their scope to help out or fix a problem for them highly depends on team culture.

I was also done with narrow roles that focus on a few key tasks. This is too narrow for my brain and I felt quickly caught inside a small box. Breaking out of that would require promotion which I don't have a high leverage on.

I was done with organisations that set up multiple layers of management. Getting anything done would mean wading through most of those layers, convincing everyone on it and hope for the best.

Finally, I was done working in organisations so big, that it would not allow much flexibility in how you work and what you do. Processes are being set up and there is barely any wiggle room around them. Simple things would require getting permission and gatekeepers giving their thumbs-up. Way too often I felt like Asterix & Obelix while getting the A38 form.

This experience taught me once again what is important to me in work. All those reflections were a good exercise. Finding the right place can be a real challenge though. If you managed to read this far, I am wishing you lots of success in finding that place - or building it on your own. 🚀